White house spokesman James Corny (sic) said Michelle Obama found the Royal Wedding so moving, so emotional, and so stirring, she has demanded the President order a carriage....and hats, lots of hats...and a uniform...with a sword!
Speaking off the record to Media Mogul Oprah after their recent video TV show taping, Michelle indicated that the carriage idea came to her in a dream.
"What better way to push for 'green energy' and to dispel ugly racist rumours that the President is wasting thousands of gallons of jet fuel flying back and forth to fund raisers, we need to go back to our roots and live a simpler life if he expects to get resurrected (sic) in 2012!"
And about the uniform?
"People respect a uniform, at least in countries like North Korea, Libya, Kenya, China and Philadelphia...especially if the dude wearing it carries a blade!"
The first lady's sentiments seem to mirror that of her husband who brushed off recent tornado damage in the south which claimed over 300 lives and left thousands without power or a roof over their heads.
"See what happens when you depend on electricity?" the president warned while addressing 200 liberal donors in California at a $35,000 a plate brunch of tuna melt sandwiches and sweet potato pie.
Sean Penn, one of those attending after just returning from Venezuela in his role as economic advisor to Hugo Chavez, took it one step further saying, "Thomas Edison was a Republican Capitalist Dog....without him we could have kept everyone in the dark forever, or at least until we completed our coup....Bastard!"
Penn said he advised the President to take over Anheuser Busch and confiscate the Bud Clydesdale horses for his carriage..."those red necks clinging to the bible, their guns and their beer can identify with that," he said smugly!
It's an uphill battle, but we in the Free Press will try to keep the light on for ya.