GREEN GIANT VALLEY, CA-Listen closely to your weatherman. There's a storm of controversy brewing, precipitated by the indictment of Mother Nature for willful destruction of public and private property in the wake of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita in the US Gulf Coast region, earthquakes in Afghanistan and mudslides in Central America.
While the scope of the indictment includes only events which have occurred in the recent past, prosecutors are poring over meteorological data that goes back as far as ‘the Great Flood' when it reportedly rained non-stop for 40 days and 40 nights. The list of charges to be delivered to the Grand Jury could reach Biblical proportions.
Mother Nature's immediate reaction to her legal pursuit has been tempestuous, sending lightning bolts of denial in every direction. Apparently, calling the catastrophes ‘Acts of God' has resulted in an unprecedented upper atmospheric disturbance. And, though she didn't threaten meteorological mayhem in so many words, even Poor Richard's Almanac has predicted an unusually harsh, cold winter in the wake of Mother Nature's justifiable judicial jeopardy. Satan himself is bundling up, fully expecting a ‘cold day in Hell.'
Until her arrest as the leaves of autumn were beginning to turn, the Worldly Weather Woman had taken comfort in the distraction Democrats devised by blaming President George W. Bush for being behind the worst natural disasters in our nation's history. It was a bit of a stretch, but the liberal loonies also claimed that the allied forces' invasion of Iraq was responsible for the earthquakes that have occurred in various Middle East locations. They haven't nailed an excuse for the Central American mudslides, but, rest assured, given time, they'll come up with something or other.
Even though the Meteorological Mama has been fingered as the purported prime perpetrator, the Dems just can't let go of their unabated hail of hatred they continue to unleash on George W. There's an ill will blowing out of their camp, claiming it was the president who put Mother Nature up to the whole scheme to divert attention from the slow pace of the War on Terror. It would appear that there's more than just the Global Warming controversy heating things up.
Forecasters are scratching their furrowed brows and wondering if the Wizardess of Weather will be able to continue her meteorological manipulations behind bars. What was once a mere margarine jingle is now their worst fear. We could all find out sooner or later that ‘It's not nice to fool [with] Mother Nature.'