Written by Tawdry Soup
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Topics: Royal Wedding

Thursday, 28 April 2011

Martin Pleavey, A 99 year old anarchist, has managed to do what hundreds of modern day anarchists were unable to accomplish. He has shut down the royal wedding just as it was to begin. His secret? He crawled in a grate at the rear of Westminster Abbey seven days before the wedding date and quietly expired.

"Oh my God!" exclaimed the princess-to-be when she walked into the abbey in full wedding regalia for a last minute rehearsal and touch-up before the guests were allowed to enter. "What is that God-awful smell?" Prince William made a face, but you couldn't tell whether he was frowning or not. It was just that creepy snobby grimace thing he always does when he poses for a picture. The Queen Mother gagged so hard she cut a deafening fart which caused the departure by the wedding party to become even more urgent.

Cloaked in finery, the wedding party stumbled from the heavy doors in a state of confusion and dismay. A sign hastily posted outside the door said in a desperate scrawl, "Royal Wedding postponed until further notice." Then, to the horror of the world press and about a million of the dumbest people on earth who came to watch the wedding, they got in their expensive cars and fancy carriages and left.

The rail-thin Pleavy somehow managed to crawl so far up into the ancient workings under the ancient abbey that his body has still not been found, just a note that said, "Fuck you royal inbred bastards-Now you can smell the rot that Britain has smelled for 1000 years. Why don't you get married in the sewer where you belong?

Pleavey's only child, Leah Pleavey, made a brief statement about her father."My father was an anarchist who believed in nothing. He said he was going to shut down that stinking wedding and I guess he accomplished what he set out to do."

Late Friday, disappointed tourists and protestors slowly dispersed from around the now defunct wedding location and headed home while Prince William and Kate pitched a fit, threw all their stuff in the garbage and demanded somebody build another 1000 year old abbey right now or they will hold their breath until they die.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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