Written by susan allen-rosario
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Topics: Government, France

Wednesday, 12 October 2005

image for US sues France over Louisiana Purchase
"The American pig dogs want to blame us for everything."

The US Bureau of Acquisitions and Colonization has filed a massive lawsuit against the French government, for their failure to disclose structural defects in properties sold to the US, namely, Louisiana.

"Their deliberate omission of Form 17, which is standard in the industry, is one of many reasons we feel they sought to deceive us and not fully disclosed everything they knew about the property."

"The original documents, created in 1803, were covered in water spots and should have tipped off any would be purchasers to possible problems," lawyers said. "The French government claims the stains on the documents were from coffee and pastries, eaten by the writers and creators of the documents."

"The plain truth is they knew Louisiana had problems when they sold it to us. We found early drawings of the Louisiana Territory depicting the settlements with rice patties and houses up on stilts. The French claim that the pictures we found were of settlements they had in North Vietnam, but we're just not buying it."

One very angry French official stated that, "The entire affair smelled like hate-pate', made from the livers of dead Republicans! The America pig dogs want to blame up for everything. Let them eat snake!" (How very French)

The French Government claims that it is far too late for any lawsuit of this kind to be taken seriously. "There is no statue of limitations on bad plumbing," US lawyers say. "They sold us a bill of goods knowing full well that Louisiana had the potential for devastating water issues, from hurricanes to dysentery. We have been left with water we can neither drink nor control. Somebody needs to be held responsible for this, and the French Government is convenient."

"What do the Americans want? We sold that property for nearly nothing. They got what they paid for. We are not responsible for their inability to make the proper improvements. They want to flush the foul stench of their poor engineering on to the heads of the French people."

"The French have given us two very good things, French bread and French wine, and two very bad things, Louisiana and poodles," the US lawyers said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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