WASHINGTON, D.C. - A new bill designed last week will be enforced today.
Although the financial year started on 1st April, the government are still beating off criticism from citizens that paying income tax, state tax, or federal tax - or all of them - is 'unconstitutional'.
The new law, dubbed the 'Being a Fricking Whiner Because of Taxes Act Tax' (BaFWBoTAT), will take away an additional 20% of income from anyone who argues that taxes either amount to slavery (as defined in Amendment 13), takes the IRS or the Federal branch to any court within the United States, says that they are part of a sovereign nation, claim that the wording of any document is 'sketchy', that the District of Columbia is not a state (by definition, a State also includes the D.C. and overseas territories), or any other lame-ass excuse to not pay taxes.
"Some opponents may claim that BAFWBoTAT," said Obama, "introduces an unnesscary tax on the people. Well, if you didn't complain, then you'd pay less tax, wouldn't you? Fucking asshole."
If the BAFWBoTAT is not paid, a leaflet will come round to your place of residence. Here is an exclusive look at the text. LINK
Many douchebags are angry. "I am a citizen! I want to reduce the government deficit, and ride the streets in my new SUV car! BUt the government want to steal all my monies! Mean socialist Hitlers!"
Other, more sane people are okay with the new laws.
"They want, what..." pondered one resident. "$500 at best? Yeah. I'd go to court for $500 against my own fricking government. If you think about it, that's value-for-money. For just a few hundred smackeronies, I get a power grid, roads, water supplies, a safety net in case I get unemployed... totally a raw deal, yeah."
Researchers have plotted a graph of IQ vs. amount of 'idiot' claims, and another graph of wealth vs. amount of 'idiot' claims.
"Overall," said Dr. Faber, "we have found out that people of a lower-than-average IQ have such stupid claims, although we have had some people the other end of the IQ curve do so to. On our second graph, surprisingly, a lotta rich assholes want to flout the system. Sigh."
Although many admit the tax system is a little broken, some would say that the 'douchebaggy' demographic are giving the world an... interesting view of the nation.
"I know those fuckfaces don't give a damn," said Sec. of State, Clinton, "but I've been to European states, and they point to this internet article about 'idiot tax claims. And we wonder why we're left in Iraq, huh? If you have any legitimate concerns with your taxes, then we'll help. It's only the witless bozos we dislike."