Washington, Louisiana, Kansas and the Emerald City, Oz---In another cynical effort to reduce his political problems, incumbent President George W. Bush has approved a top secret plan to not only erase New Orleans from its current location, but also move it much further upriver to even safer political territory in Kansas, of all places, to reduce the national trauma of unhappy people in a difficult situation facing lesser options in a world flooded out the door.
"What was good enough for Alf Landon and Bob Dole should be good enough for a boat load of Southern quackers," he has told his people. "This certainly will solve my problem with leaky levees and dilapidated housing. If you don't like emergency shelters, you're going to have to wait politely in line for a cruise cabin or trailer, when they become available and you will have to wait even longer to have the utilities plugged in because water pipes and electric lines just don't sprout naturally in the ground."
"I want to remind you that Kansas is where Dorothy Gale had her finest moments. She was confronted by a storm of controversy and not only lived to tell the tale, but eventually ended up as a fairy tale princess in a make believe video world with no worries about making hay for the longest time."
"But Dorothy wreaked havoc in the Emerald City," Defense Secretary Rumsfeld noted.
"Washington is not the Emerald City," G. W. Bush reminded him.
"Nor is Kansas," Vice President Dick Cheney added.
"It's worse," noted Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice. "We've got spirited opposition looking for an opening and the Democrats want an issue."
"Precisely why we should delete N'Orleans from the official guide to political correctness in life. There is nothing left in Leesianna to write home about and I don't want the burden of disaster dogging my last days in office. We'll just use the high corn stalks to hide the rush-rush preparations and spread rumors about New Orleans becoming the Atlantis of the South."
"Maybe we can white wash all the problems down there," suggested Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. "Like Tom Sawyer."
"And blame the trouble on the weather," suggested Secretary of the Interior Gale A. Norton.
G. W. Bush complimented her. "Brilliant idea. Takes notes," he told Secretary of Energy Samuel Bodman.
"Case solved. Next problem," President Bush proclaimed.