Washington (Spoof News). President Bush has accidentally nominated his White House counsel, Harriet Miers, to be the newest Supreme Court justice, effectively replacing the retiring Sandra Day O'Connor.
Washington pundits and especially conservative Republicans were quick to point out that Ms. Miers had no judicial experience whatsoever, and that she was "eminently under-qualified" to be a Supreme Court judge. They were quickly joined in their criticism by the political left. "Ms. Miers would not even qualify as a judge on the ‘People's Court', let alone the Supreme Court," said Regina Dentata, a Washington attorney with the ACLU. "It's blatantly obvious that the reason Ms. Miers was nominated is precisely because she has never been a judge and thus has never asserted any legal opinions. There is no way to really get any idea about what her views on issues, such as abortion, really are."
When Mr. Bush was questioned about the nomination he was effusive in his praise. "Helen actually said once that I was the most brilliant man she ever met," said the President, nearly gushing. "No one had ever said that to me before, or since, come to think of it.
"She was the first woman elected to be President of a big law firm down in Texas. I forget the name if it right now, but take my word for it: it was a big one. There was a little issue with the count, and she had to sue her own firm over it, but that's beside the point.
"And besides, the Constitution does not require any specific legal competence, OK? It doesn't say anything about having any prior experience as a judge at all. No Sir. And just because she's never been a judge doesn't mean that she can't do a good job of it. I'd never been a President before, and look how well I've done."
Of particular concern to some Conservatives is Ms. Miers proclivity to wearing heavy "Goth" style makeup. She was asked about that immediately after the press conference at which her nomination was announced. "Well, you know, to me every day is Hallloween. I've given up hiding, and started to fight. I've started to fight."