Written by Ellie James
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Monday, 25 April 2011

image for Cinco de Mayo will Continue to be Celebrated in the US
University of Texas student getting drunk off his ass on Cinco de Mayo

Austin - As the Texas Legislature considers banning courts from recognizing foreign religious and cultural laws, Texans worry about the future of Cinco de Mayo. Cinco de Mayo is a cherished holiday primarily celebrated in the United States. Most Americans have no idea why the seemingly Mexican holiday is celebrated. They just want an excuse to get drunk off their asses and drink margaritas.

"No, we are not trying to ban 5 de Mayo and kill all the cool margarita parties," exclaimed a spokesman from the Governor's office to reporters. "We're trying to ban other stuff," he continued. There was a big sigh of relief from the press corps as most reporters go hang out at Saxon Pub after press briefings and have margaritas and listen to live music of whatever nature. This is especially true on Cinco de Mayo.

Most people in the US believe that Mexican Independence is celebrated on the 5th of May. It isn't. Cinco de Mayo is just a holiday that commemorates the day the Mexican army defeated the French in the Battle of Puebla in 1862.

Texans and Californians alike, as I'm sure communities in Chicago will be relieved that Cinco de Mayo will continue to be celebrated as it's not even really thought about in Mexico and is more of a US holiday. According to the 3rd year Latin American Studies class at the University of Texas in Austin, Cinco de Mayo actually is an American Civil War holiday because Mexicans living in California during the Civil War supported the cause of freedom the US Civil War represented.

That being said, reporters were not able to get an official answer about St. Patrick's Day. Reporters as well as the Irish community and college students from all over the state will be waiting to hear from the Governor's office about the future of green beer and getting drunk off their asses every March.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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