Written by Jalapenoman
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Sunday, 24 April 2011

image for Amish and Hassidic Jews Get Into Brawl About Which Group Is More Backwards and Humble
They went medival on each other, but not this bad!

Two religious groups squared off into an arguement that turned into a brawl as more than words were exchanged between groups of Hassidic Jews and Pennsylvania Amish. Fists and bottles both flew through the air as the two religious sects argued which of them was holier, humbler, and closer to their religious roots. As both were dressed in black suits with white shirts and hats, only the length of the hair was able to discern which group each bearded man belonged to.

According to one religious expert, the "fight" has been going on for centuries and can trace its beginnings back to "the old country" (Germany for the Amish, Germany and Russia for the Hassidim). In fact, swearing was heard in Russian, German, Yiddish, Hebrew, and English (and none of it was very nice). The most commonly heard insults were "thine mother harvests turnips" and "I shall smite thy ass."

Several Amish feel that the Hassidic Jews living in New York City, using public transportation and working in the diamond district, have left their humble farming past and are too modern. The Hassidim feel that the Amish are making too much money on having photographs taken of themselves with tourists and on the tourism industry in general (and on their wood pellet burning stoves, which are advertised and sold across the country).

Harsh words were also spoken about which group was portrayed better in the movies, with the main arguement being between "Witness" and "The Chosen" (though some people prefered comedies such as "Kingpin").

Weird Al Yankovic, who is Jewish by birth but recorded a song called "Amish Paradise," did not take part in the fight. He said that he didn't want either group "going medieval on me."

The fighting occured at a convention of the National Council of Christians and Jews. It overshadowed a rather large arguement between Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses about whether or not persons knocking on doors to proselyte should wear nametags.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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