Stoners throughout the land are excited to learn that a Joint Use Bill is headed to the floor of the State Senate. "It's about time," said Dylan Holdzer, who makes a living selling hemp shirts at Widespread Panic concerts. "I'm glad that our brethren in Tennessee are setting such a great example. I hope everyone in the USA will soon be able to smoke joints legally and at will."
At ETSU, a famed party university in Johnson City, students are already celebrating with pot parties, which are being held every day at 4:20. "To tell the truth," one of them told us, "we already celebrate this way. But it's great to do it for a cause. And I'm glad to learn that our governor, Bill Haslam, is a head."
But news of the bill didn't sit well with everyone in Tennessee."I don't hold with no usin' joints," said Harlan Holloway of Sneedeville, TN, "nor usin' bongs, nor any other kind of pot usin'. Meth was good enough fer my daddy, and it's good enough fer me."
In the end, stoners like Dylan may be in for a rude surprise if the bill passes. "Actually, the bill has nothing to do with pot use," explains Chastity Mitchell,Senior Director of Government Relations
for the American Heart Association. "It's a bill promoting physical fitness in schools. Holding schools accountable for the physical fitness of students,placing automatic external defibrillators in schools, and so on. Joint use is a term used by physical fitness advocates to describe the sharing of space between schools and communities, making it easier for people to be active and healthy. It has nothing to do with pot. But it's great to know that stoners are supporting it!"
Asked what he thought of this fact, Dylan paused for a long moment, then asked, "Wait, what were we talking about?'