Written by mikewadestr
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Friday, 22 April 2011

After so many months of suffering through constantly rising gas prices, members of Congress, after being inundated with tens of thousands of e-mails from the American public, decided to actually do something about it, and yes they did.

Congress actually investigated. The results of the investigation were not only enlightening, but were down-right horrifying.

To show their commitment to resolving this issue, Congress had decided to send their best to investigate this horrid situation. The investigative team consisted of Attorney General Eric Holder, Secretary General of the Treasury Timothy Geithner and the Minority Leader of the United States House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi. They would have included the Speaker of the United States House of Representatives John Boehner, but they could not get him to stop crying over spilling his milk.

"I am just surprised that we are doing this" said an exasperated Pelosi at the investigation's start. "Why doesn't everyone just use their Congressional Credit Card like the rest of this country. I mean, 'HELLOOO AMERICA, DUUHHHH!"

The investigation consisted of the three representatives going on a four city tour throughout the United States that consisted of the cities of: Washington DC, New York, Chicago and Los Angeles in a set of three stretch limousines. They would have gone to some southern cities, but, they weren't quite sure that they were actually a part of the United States. As a matter of fact, since all of them have been in Congress so long, they were all convinced that none of the states were actually a part of the United States, which may explain their attitude from the outset.

After visiting the four cities it was Geithner who initially spoke out about their early findings.

"What is quite obvious is that gas prices are controlled by the signs on the gas stations. I mean, everywhere that we have gone, the signs are all different. This makes no sense. Oil companies just sell oil, gas stations sell gas. So, neither one of these entities is at fault. The problem is that the people who make the signs are at fault. Honestly, how can you screw up on a number? All the numbers on all the signs should be the same".

When asked his opinion of the investigation, Eric Holder answered with a dance and a song:

"Who let the signs out! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!
"Who let the signs out! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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