Written by TomFoolery
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Topics: Religion, America

Thursday, 6 October 2005

image for Democrats Hellbent on Evicting God
Democrats: GO! And take God with you!

SALEM, MA-Not satisfied with routing religion from America's public schoolrooms, liberal Democrats and Godless infidels (or is that being superfluous?) have set their sights on the next-and last-frontier. With Satan on their side, there's a grassroots effort to oust God and Jesus from America's churches. It's a veritable unholy uprising.

Nondenominational in their querulous quest that takes ‘separation of church and state' to the absolute limit, zany zealots, some of whom are more than a few Sundays overdue for confession, others whose only experience with a supreme being is reflected in their vociferous language, want religion expunged from American society, culture and lore. God only knows why.

Bolstered by successfully having the words ‘under God' exorcized from the Pledge of Allegiance in the classroom and purging government buildings of such ‘horrendous' seeds of freedom as the Ten Commandments, to them it only seems logical that such nonsense would continue along such perilous pagan paths. But God luckily maintains prominence on American currency, divine evidence that money is indeed NOT necessarily the root of ALL evil.

Fundamentalist religious leaders from every belief, sect, cult and calling have come together in unity for the preservation of houses of worship, prayer and the Supreme Being of their choosing. Of particular note is a meditation group in bright orange robes on the steps of the US Capitol praying nonstop (except to offer passers-by free religious publications for a mandatory donation or else they take them back) for divine preservation in not only this but future lives they feel could be in jeopardy if the avid atheists are successful.

New York City Monsignor William "Bingo" Wuzuznaym is outraged by the audacity of those bent on destroying what he believes is the foundation of mankind. "Without God in our church, we're nothing more than a fire hall without the trucks and hoses." Who then could we call on in times of hellfire and brimstone?

Similar sentiments are shared by San Francisco Rabbi Abraham Sammich, who says, "We've been forbidden to eat pork for centuries. Released from that purifying prohibition could literally turn the entire Jewish world upside-down!" Perhaps it wasn't just their religion that has made them so tight with a buck and standoffish. But at least they'd be able to go to pig roasts with a clear conscience.

Jesus, if you're listening, get down here quick! Your property holdings are in danger of being foreclosed. And it's a pretty good bet Our Father who art in Heaven would not be very happy with that!! Last week the Gaza Strip…Today the Sunset Strip…Tomorrow the world! Come to think of it, maybe we're had warnings already. And we thought Katrina and Rita were purely meteorologically coincidental.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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