Written by Lenna Wyatt
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Topics: Health

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

image for Child-proof lid proves critical for elderly woman
Surgeons had to stitch the woman's lips shut.

An elderly woman nearly severed her fingers trying to open a bottle of vitamins.

Bits of paper and plastic from the bottle were found scattered around her kitchen after she was rushed to the ER.

Vitamins have been under the gun in times past with claims that they are not necessary to one's health.

Pharmaceutical companies used the incident to present to Congress a ninety-nine page document purporting reasons why prescription drugs, despite as many as twenty side effects on some, are far safer, urging them once more to ban vitamins.

The document was marked classified, but later, under the Freedom of Information Act a reporter who took time to read all of it, revealed that only three items on one page were negative against vitamin use, and those in question had expired dates.

His investigation further discovered that the woman had resorted to using an axe to pry open the lid of the vitamins.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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