Written by Dr. Billingsgate
Print this

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

image for Sex Doll Prostitution Ring Broken Up By Detective Posing As Mannequin
Pretty Woman

It was bound to happen sooner rather than later. Las Vegas Assistant District Attorney, Yvette Oranco, announced today that her office of Dummy DA's infiltrated a prostitution ring made up of voluptuous run-away silicon dolls.

With the Vice-Squad cracking down on the weekend warriorettes, the real-life housewives and mothers who come from various Southern California cities to have a little fun and make a few hundred bucks on the side, the local chapter of Pimps "R" Us decided to take a chapter from the very successful movie, Pretty Woman.

In this blockbuster hit, actor Richard Gere played the role of a rich mannequin who needed a date. In desperation, because no real woman would fall for his plastic looks, he hired an equally plastic sex doll, portrayed by Julia Roberts. It was love at first sight, with Gere falling head over heels for the voluptuous, silicon boobed Roberts with the come-hither, red-painted ersatz lipped smile.

Anyway, figuring that if Hollywood could fool the dorks who paid good money to see this farce, they could pull the wool over the roostered-up gentlemen who come to Vegas to gamble and get a little poontang on the side.

The Pimps "R" Us gang started off by purchasing a couple dozen of these sex dolls. After the boys made sure the dolls weren't virgins, they dropped them off at some of the hot pick-up joints, bought them a cocktail and sat them down at the bar. Like their counterpart in the movie, all they had to do was force a smile and giggle once in a while. Usually within minutes, some horny Joe would engage them in a conversation, the pimp would step in, a few Hamiltons would be passed, and Joe would go home to his loving wife with a smile on his face.

It didn't take long for the City's crack Vice-Squad to figure out this deal. Detective Sergio Valasquez, a veteran of twenty years on the force, volunteered to pose as a mannequin in order to solicit simulated sex with one of the rubber breasted, ruby lipped dolls who cared little whether it had vaginal or anal sex.

Detective Sergio, who testified under oath that the vulcanized doll gave him the best sex ever, was allowed to take the doll home after providing the evidence that put this notorious gang of pimps away.

Make Dr. Billingsgate's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 1 multiplied by 4?

2 22 18 4
53 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more