Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 19 April 2011

image for Charles Manson Says We're All Doomed - So It Must Be Right
Manson Penning Another Rant To The Spoof Forum

Giving his first prison interview in 20 years, convicted killer Charles Manson has warned the entire human race that we'll all be doomed if we're not extremely careful.

"We keep chopping down the trees, eating the birds, poisoning the bees, and burning fossil fuels, and if we don't stop all of this foolishness right now, we'll all be going to hell in a handcart. Or maybe a wheelbarrow," Manson observed.

Manson, now aged 76 was incarcerated for life after his "family" - squatters at the Spahn Ranch in Death Valley - committed a number of horrific murders, including those of pregnant actress Sharon Tate, and the LoBianco's in the Hollywood Hills.

All of which were somehow related to a helter-skelter owned by a gentleman named Vincent Bugliosi.

Describing himself as "a mal hombre" - a bad man - the devil, God, and the spawn of a demon, Manson insisted that the human race really does need to quit messing around and sort its act out. Otherwise the world will run out of air, and people will have to morph into "lizards and shit" and live in subterranean caverns on the Isle Of Wight.

Coming from the guy responsible for some appalling atrocities, who has been incarcerated for life, and should consider himself extremely lucky not to have been executed decades ago, all of this seems a little rich.

"Don't mock that dude," Pastor Edward Greenstock warned. "He seems as crazy as a loon in a burning wicker basket, and he talks absolute garbage, but he's still a dangerous man. When he tells me that he's God and Satan and George Washington all rolled into one, I believe him. You can never be too careful when you're dealing with a guy who eats spiders and centipedes and howls at the moon like a drug crazed coyote. Everybody should lock their doors and windows at night. That's all I'm prepared to say on the matter. Now, if you'd be so kind as to excuse me - I have a pressing engagement with a cat on a hot tin roof. In Tennessee."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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