Written by Aspartame Boy
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Sunday, 17 April 2011

image for New - more exciting interesections planned for US highways
wrecks will be common until motorists adjust

Denver Colorado - UPDATE 1

Google has announced that it is ready to test its cars on the new intersections, but wishes to do so without humans on board.



Government spokesman Mr. Phil Resastum of NAAATT (National American Automotive Association Think Tank) announced today in a press conference that Americans are ready for the '45'.

As Mr. Rasastum explained, traffic started out with ninety degree intersections with stop lights or stop signs. This was good, but took no special skills and wasted a lot of time and gas. Motorists stopped when called on to do so, for the most part, so accidents were rare.

Next, he explained, came five degree merge points taken at 60 miles per hour. The angle of incidence was decreased to a scant five degrees, speed increased, and the stop signs and lights replaced with yield signs. At first this caused confusion as little old ladies would panic when trying to merge.. accidents resulted. Those little old ladies are all dead now, so the merge points, or Gore points, as the V.P. likes to call them (he invented them along with the internet) are quite safe now.

Mr. Rasastum indicated that Americans are ready for the next step: 45 degree angled intersections where eight streets will meet in a central point. Drivers may enter on any of the eight streets, and leave the intersection at any of the seven other points. U turns will not be permitted, at least for the first year of introduction.

Speed limits will be increased for all roads to one hundred miles per hour, and all lights, signs, and police will be removed from the area surrounding these new intersections.

High definition cameras will broadcast live to reality shows the accidents that are inevitable during the first few months of the introduction. But, as in the case of the freeway on-ramp, motorists are expected to adjust.. or die.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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