Written by Tawdry Soup
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Saturday, 16 April 2011

Oddly, America's infatuation with the ultra-wealthy do-nothings, known as the British Royal Family, has taken a 180 degree turn over the last few years.

Once upon a time, America lovingly gazed at picture after picture of the graceful goose-necked Diana as she glommed on to every humanitarian on earth. That was before she died in a horrible car crash while giving a royal blow-job to billionaire Egyptian playboy Dodi Fayed, because their drunken chauffeur careened into a brick wall after getting an eyeful in the rear view mirror.

Apparently, this was all it took to turn everyone off to the plight of the royal family, or as they are known in intellectual circles as, "the gilded pigs who manage to suck up billions by breathing the same air as everyone else," because any person with a brain between their ears knows the whole lot of 'em could burst into flames and it wouldn't matter.

The pancaked prickteasers of Entertainment Tonight, Inside Edition and Good Morning America, who make their money from commercials about babies and Boniva, are absolutely orgasmic over the upcoming wedding of Prince William, an absolutely worthless pile of balding flesh, to a brunette bag of bones claiming to be Kate Middleton. But what they don't know, as they exclaim, "EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT IT," is that NOBODY IN THE WORLD GIVES A FLYING FUCK!

To prove it, Tawdry Soup took to the streets of America to get the latest reaction to another yawn-inducing "Countdown to Camelot." Here are a few replies:

Memphis: Tawdry Soup: Ya'll hear about the wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton?

Man on the Street: What? Prince finally getting married? I thought he was gay.

Miami: Tawdry Soup: Do you know what happens in only two weeks?

Woman on the Street: I'm hopin' it gonna be my period.

Phoenix: Tawdry Soup: Isn't a royal wedding just what the country needs to pick up our spirits as we work through this long economic downturn?

Man Living in a Culvert: Please mister. Take me to your planet.

New York: Tawdry Soup: Hey, I couldn't help but notice your rotten-ass teeth. You guys going to be heading back to England in time for the Royal Wedding?

English Couple: No way, I brought my husband here to keep him from firebombing the reception.

Detroit: Tawdry Soup: Any you guys know what's gonna…Hey! What'd you shoot me for, bitch?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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