Written by susan allen-rosario
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Saturday, 16 April 2011

image for Socksquatch invades Denver home
"They are confused by the fact that panty hose don't come apart."

Jody McMullin of Denver, Colorado is not a violent woman. In fact she is known for her even temper. But when her favorite pair of purple and white poc-a-dot socks came out of the washer one sock short of a pair, Jody McMullin lost it.

At 12:45 in the afternoon Police responded to a possible "domestic violence" call at the McMullin residence. When they arrived they found Ms. McMullin still armed with a sledgehammer.

"There were washing machine parts everywhere, pure carnageā€¦ but upon further exam we found something remarkable."

"Hidden behind the washer was what can only be described as a carefully constructed 'sock palace.' When we looked closer we saw a pair of eyes peering out at us through the cotton crews. That is when we called animal control."

When animal control arrived they were unable to apprehend the suspected sock pirate due to military-like dryer lint pelting by the suspect. They then called in the experts.

Dr. Simon Footie, exotic animal expert and consultant on numerous sightings of the infamous Socksquatch, stated it was very possible that this is the work of this very elusive animal.

"Due to lack of habitat, we are getting more and more of these sightings each year. Normally the Socksquatch does a grab and run type sock thief. But with more and more human encroachment, they have nowhere to run to. We have had a drastic increase in these incidents."

Dr. Footie suggests that to secure your socks, tie the pairs together before putting them in the washer or place them in a small bag with a zipper. He also suggests that leaving an offering of old socks may deter the little buggers from stealing the new ones. Apparently the Socksquatch has no preference.

"One thing we have learned is that, they hate panty hose. They are confused by the fact that panty hose don't come apart."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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