Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Friday, 15 April 2011

image for Chiswick Back To Normal After Spoof Summit
The only extant image of dangerous Mathilde de la Mole.

The leafy London suburb of Chiswick was recovering on Friday night following a summit meeting of soi-disant Spoofers.

While security authorities had been warned in advance, they failed to have the meeting banned and the 'writers' met as planned at a pub known only as 'HQ.'

Observers report the first to arrive was one Ellis Ian Fields, who nursed a pint of St Austell Tribute until the arrival, some 30 minutes later, of the infamous fugitive from Bolivian justice known only as 'Colonel Juan' and Mancunian-in-exile, 'Skoob.'

Apparently the 'meeting' was passing off quietly until the arrival of a fourth conspirator, the much younger and significantly more dangerous 'Mathilde de la Mole.'

"Once she got her laughing tackle round a white wine spritzer it all started getting a bit ugly," said witness Colin "Firfy" Firth (not to be confused with Colin "Firfy" Firth, the celebrated local actor). "She seemed to exercise some kind of eerie control over them... it was horrible."

Ant N Dec (not to be confused with local TV presenters Ant & Dec) continued: "The whole thing was getting really out of hand, but of course no-one dared intervene - especially not the bar staff or landlord... all the staff could do was carry on providing the drinks. What else could they do?

"But eventually the one they referred to as 'Ellis' turned down another pint, looked at his watch and said he had to go. Then the Latin American guy looked at the woman and said thay had to make sure that 'Skoob' mustn't miss his train."

Al Murray (not the famous local comedian) added: "I thought it was going to get really nasty then, but... well... Ellis Ian Fields just said goodbye and left.

"Then the others finished their drinks and the thing broke up! I mean - what on earth? My word! Did I breathe a sigh of relief?

"Yes I did."

Authorities have been warned that the group may be planning a summer meeting in a Royal Navy port city somewhere on the Hampshire coast. "We're investigating where it could possibly be," said a spokesman. "Hopefully, we'll figure it out in time."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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