Written by Morse
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Thursday, 14 April 2011

image for Town of Sandwich, MA, Now Butt of Jokes after Senator Scott Brown Details Sexual Abuse at Popular Summer Camp
This Camper, Seem Protecting His Gonads, Testified He Was the Filling in a 3-Decker Club Sandwich at Exposed Summer Camp!

There's good news and bad news involving the Cape Cod summer camp forced to close after more than a dozen claims of sexual abuse involving happy campers, even including Senator Scott Brown , R, who claimed he was assaulted there as a youth in recent blockbuster revelations.

The good news is the camp, which can not be named for legal reasons, has said it's closing down, a decision punctuated last week when a former councilor accused of abuse killed himself on the property.

The bad news is the camp has applied for licenses in 4 other states in order to open in time for the coming summer season, although Congressman Barney Frank would like to keep the camp in Massachusetts for altruistic reasons.

Located, unfortunately, in the ironically named town of 'Sandwich', Ma, emerging tales of 'snorkeling in sleeping bags,' 'tickle tag', 'drop the soap' and 'let's pretend we're a club sandwich' hasn't done much for the town's image, and in fact has turned it into somewhat of a joke amongst jaded long time Provincetown residents who have fond memories of their blissful days at the idlylic camp and vote the 'straight (sic) Democratic ticket.

Representative Frank, D, Gay, MA, spraying a bit of spit due to his speech impediment, and sounding remarkably like Elmer Fudd, said it's probably better if the camp moves on prior to the coming season.

"Itz probably for the bessed,' said the lisping former head of the Congressional Banking Committee, " I wonder if they've thought of moving to Athol (!)...I hear thatz a weely nice place...or maybe Cummaquid...Tsay...that's not a bad idear!"

While nothing has been finalized yet, camp board members are considering locations in 4 other states. The top candidates so far include:

*Swampbottom, MS

*Buttzville, NJ

*Nimrod, MN

*Gay, MI

(ed note: I am not making these up)

When asked why it took him so long to blow the lid off the camp, Brown said he had been waiting a life time. "What happened to me there turned me into the Republican I am today...it took a few decades, but now I'm in a position to shove it right back up their liberal arses and see how THEY like it! Bastards!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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