Written by Ellie James
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Topics: Texas, traffic, Austin

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

image for The Texas Legislature Studies the Use of Teleportation to Ease Traffic
Semi speeding through the Texas/Mexico border

Not only was the Trans Texas Corridor scrapped from the Texas Legislature's To Do list, the entire phrase "Trans Texas Corridor" will be stricken from all memos, bills, random pieces of papers, emails, and post-its. HB1201 was introduced by Rep. Lois Kolkurst (R-Brenham.) It is now going to the Senate for consideration.

The Trans Texas Corridor would have included stretches of highways and toll roads that would have run parallel to Interstate Highway 35, but would have by passed Dallas/Fort Worth, Austin, and San Antonio and would have just gone straight to the Mexican border.
"It would have been great," stated Stephen Fortwright of Denton, Texas. "Every day I commute from Denton to downtown Fort Worth for work. I spend over an hour and a half in traffic, and the vast majority of vehicles on the road are trucks."

It was nixed and is banned from conversation because Texans feared it would take away too much public land and would have too much foreign control, mainly from the Spanish toll road specialists Cintra. Despite the fact Cintra was going to partner with Texas based Zachary Construction, Texans just felt there was enough Spanish things in their State.
"We're tired of Mexicans taking our jobs. True, they aren't jobs we really want to begin with, but still," said Gary Godwin of Austin.

So, if even the phrase Trans Texas Corridor is forbidden even in casual conversation, what are Texans to do about increasing traffic concerns that plague all the major cities? The Texas Legislature along with students from the Texas A&M School of Engineering will partner with NASA and the State Department and have begun studying the prospect of teleportation.

Teleportation is the ability to transfer an object from one location to another. Any Trekkie or Stargate fan knows about the concept of teleportation. While no one would speak on the record regarding teleporting goods between Texas border and the rest of the Continental United States, a few scientists from NASA were willing to speak off the record.

"We've based our studies off the research done by the Joint Quantum Institute (JQI) at the University of Maryland in 2008. We take what they learned about teleporting data and have applied it to pencils and small bottles of hand sanitizers," stated a top NASA scientist.

When asked if this research could lead to the teleportation of humans, NASA was non-committal. "We can't confirm or deny any research being done on teleporting humans. However, it would be cool to just hit a button and say 'Energize' and then find yourself on a tropical beach. Or, just from the bedroom to your office. It certainly would ease traffic concerns."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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