Written by Noddy Bigears
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Friday, 30 September 2005

image for Playboy Anna Nicole Smith will expand home for well endowed elderly gentlemen after losing Marshall
Anna Nicole Smith comforts every need of her clients’ happiness

The deluxe resting and care home for elderly gentlemen opened in 1994 in Texas by then 26 year old director Anna Nicole Smith promises now to create some real sparks in the oil and gas rich State. Not only is the luxury resort like complex now capable of hosting over 250 elderly gentlemen, it is staffed exclusively by topless models that care individually for ever single client.

The beautifully marbled entrance annex leads to the numerous individual mini-apartments for every single customer. Naturally, with prices starting at $15,473.00 per week, it is unlikely that anybody can afford the perfect pampering and aid to utter relaxation. Daily events include hydro-massage, body toning and of course, plenty of nourishing meals every day until the tired gentlemen are tucked into bed for the night by expect hands from the smooth limbed staff trained to perfection to satisfy every single whim, wish or expectation of their needy single men.

The complex boasts a small but highly efficient legal department off the front entrance annex that specializes in divorce, asset management and will writing. Naturally, the legal bureau is also staffed by just women who care that little bit more about their clients' financial needs and distribution requirements than would be normally expected elsewhere.

Obviously at $15,473.00 per week or $ 804,596.00 per year, there are a limited number of Texans who can survive more that a few years indeed some sadly pass away with a huge grin on their faces within a few weeks. Others could probably pay the tab for decades, one such classic example, J. Howard Marshall II, the oil tycoon joined when he was 89 but was unfortunately deceased in just one year when he had turned 90 years old. However, as director Anna Nicole Smith pointed out candidly, "hey, with just $89 million he could have stayed here for another 110.6 years whilst $474 million would have given him a resting home safely for 589.1 years. Sadly, he only made it for 57 weeks costing a mere $880,961.00 which was disappointing because he had not used hardly any of his full endowment potential.

However, there is still hope out there for other candidate care homes as the son, E. Pierce Marshall then inherited $1.6 billion, enough to live in amazing style at the above rates for approximately two thousand years.


However, the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco has challenged the legality of such exclusive care homes and claims the director, Anna Nicole Smith, the 1993 Playmate of the Year and self-described "blonde bombshell" must open up her complex annex entrance to all interested elderly gentlemen in Texas at competitive local rates.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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