Washington DC - My source, a.k.a. Bill, in the IRS, jubilant over the averted government shutdown, revealed to me after five Black Russians, that the IRS will start taxing Americans on the 'beneficial' radiation that they are subjected too as a result of the Fukushima Reactor leaks.
Bill explained that cancer is treated by radiation, and that free radiation treatments will have to be declared as income starting in 2012. He explained that due to the Fukushima event, radiation in the country will increase markedly. It is now in the therapeutic range.
Tax rate will be calculated by state. The EPA will monitor background radiation which is expected to increase, and post notices in Post Offices as to the value equivalent over the year in US Dollars.
The taxable amount also depends on the going rate of radiation therapy, which is expected to increase as cancer rates are climbing quickly.
According to Bill, the top ten health benefits of radiation are
- Cures cancer, or at least treats it, producing a good income stream
- Causes the body to generate more vitamin D
- Reduces lifespan, and demand for pension and Social Security pension benefits
- With special night vision goggles, provides additional illumination
- Helps kill germs on food and kitchen surfaces
- Reduces body odor for the living and the dead
- Simplifies funeral arrangements since no embalming is required - saves on aspartame for that reason
- Kills human parasites - such as the Malaria parasite
- Kills aliens from outer space - these are mostly nasty anyway
- Reduces the homeless population
The average additional tax burden per head is expected to be about $10,000.00. Bill denied that any of this money would be given to foreign central banks, or used to "clean up" Fukushima.
"We love Fukushima. We want more of them", Bill responded when asked about the general take of the IRS on these 'disasters'.