The U.S. House of Representatives removed Weenie Waggers from the endangered species list in a late night session on Friday. The measure introduced by the Tea Party caucus of the GOP received a unanimous vote of the Tea Party members.
Speaking for the measure, Congressman Rand Paul stated, "We now literally control this branch of government, next year we will control the Senate and probably the White House. No longer are we relegated to middle school playgrounds, Brownie Scout meetings, Greyhound bus stations, and the Minneapolis Airport men's room. We are now the mainstream in America and tomorrow the world!"
Congresswoman Michele Bachmann speaking for the female members of the caucus said, "Being a Weenie Wagger isn't just about wagging the weenie, it is an attitude, a philosophy, and a way of life. History shows that our founding fathers were all Weenie Waggers even before they freed the slaves and fired the shot heard round the world in Concord, North Carolina. Yesterday's taboo is today's truth. Today," she paused, "we are all Weenie Waggers!"
In related news, Donald Trump appearing on a morning interview, stated, "I was a wagger, before wagging was cool! Wanna see my baby pictures, or better yet….?" He stood up.
Whoopie Goldberg shouted, "Not in this life!," and stormed off the set.