Written by Jim Jones
Print this

Thursday, 7 April 2011

image for Boehner Refuses to Cut Funding to Congressional Tanning Salon

Washington D.C.- While the battle over budget cuts continues to wage in the capital today, House Leader John Boehner has made one thing clear, "the private congressional tanning salon IS NOT on the chopping block."

In a heated discussion with President Barack Obama and House Minority leader Harry Reid, Mr. Boehner became infuriated at the suggestion that the congress person's own private tanning salon be closed down to save money and set a good example for the American people.

President Obama countered that the tanning salon costs the American people some 3.8 million dollars per year, and while that might be a paltry sum in a multi-trillion dollar budget, it would set a good example for the American people.

"That was when he lost it," Staffer Jerry Long said, "he mentioned something about Obama not needing to tan, so he wouldn't understand and then went on a tirade."

Insiders describe Mr. Boehner as irate and irreconcilable on the issue. Staffer Evelyn Banks said, "It was really weird, I felt like there was a lot of progress being made before hand. Serious issues were being discussed and solutions were being hammered out. Then Mr. Reid brought up the subject of the congressional tanning salon and the whole talk broke down."

"It was kind of scary," Staffer Jerry Long added, "suddenly he stood up, waving his hands in the air, and even pounding his fists on the table. There was a lot of "We earned it!" "we aren't slaves" and "this is perfectly fair and understandable!"

Staffer Michelle Rea concluded, "I don't know, the weirdest thing for me, towards the end of his rant, he started going on about the need to remain tanned so we can connect with our "dark brethren" around the world. He seemed to seriously think that tanned skin was necessary for connected with what he called the "others" and is a vital part of our foreign policy."

Both Obama and Reid backed off of demands to close down the tanning salon. Insiders have informed this reporter that while both would like to see the salon shut down there would be no way, quote "NO WAY," to get Mr. Boehner back to the bargaining table so long as that issue remained on the chopping block.

More on this story as it develops.

Make Jim Jones's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 5?

8 23 25 12
45 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more