Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Topics: Health Care

Thursday, 7 April 2011

A provision in Congressman Paul Ryan's budget had gone unnoticed until late last night when a reporter found s new government program buried deep within the proposal. It is listed under the section, Eliminating Obamacare and is titled: Put Granny on an Ice Floe for Just Pennies a Day.

The program, evidently based on the Eskimo legend of putting their old people on an ice floe to die is proposed as an option for those that don't wish to go to shelters. Apparently, it is designed mostly for the children of the elders who don't like the idea of their parents in shelters, but mostly don't want them moving in with them.

"It is an age old tradition," said Ryan, "and one we are proud to propose."

Ryan was asked by a journalist if the cost of the program would be borne by taxpayers.

"Absolutely not," said Ryan. "It will be paid for by revenue and the billions we will save on health care costs. It is what we call a Zero Sum program." An aide was heard to say to a colleague, "Actually, around the office, we called it a Zero-Mum program."

Ryan continued, "This program will also provide thousands of jobs and stimulate the economy with the manufacture of ice floes and boats for transportation of the floes out to sea. Hundreds of ships will be needed for transportation of the seniors out to the floes; the return trips will carry mail and pleas for help."

In related news, the NRA and AARP have combined to offer assistance to anyone over the age of sixty-two who does not wish to participate in the two options offered and cannot live without social security and Medicare. Each person, and or couple, will be provided with a loaded thirty-eight caliber pistol and a note that says,"Be a good citizen, do the right thing!" Sources also note that each packet will contain a DVD of the movie, On Golden Pond.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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