GALVESTON, Texas - Halliburton Corp., the huge conglomerate that has been responsible for reconstruction projects in both Iraq and New Orleans, has issued a statement promising a better response when it is awarded a no-bid contract for the repair of the tiny island community of Galveston.
"We are pretty sure we have all the kinks out of our systems after Iraq and New Orleans," the company said in a statement. "Iraq was tough; it was hard work, but we think that we were able learn for the few mistakes we made there and Galveston will be better of because of that."
Galveston is a tiny island near Houston that has been projected to be the point where Hurricane Rita is to make landfall sometime Saturday. Almost all of its native population has evacuated after the governor issued a mandatory evacuation order, and only a small army of Halliburton trucks and Blackwater security forces remain.
Halliburton has not officially been granted reconstruction rights for Galveston, but company spokesman Rod Enass said if history is any indication, the contract will arrive shortly after Rita hits land.
"Well, that and the fact that company executives and the president plan on watching the events unfold together on FOX News this weekend," Enass said.
Once the contract does arrive, Enass said Halliburton will immediately begin to undercut local construction company bids while simultaneously paying private truckers ten times what a National Guardsman can expect to make bringing food and water into the region.
Blackwater commando teams are also scheduled to begin seizing the oil refineries and drilling platforms so that they do no fall into insurgent -- or "African-American" -- hands, Enass said.
"We were able to fine tune these tactics using techniques we have mastered from Baghdad to Crescent Street. Sure we had a few bumps in the road during that time, but taking a page from our president, we're just going to let all that slide and focus on the future and the American family; so long as that family isn't trying to help in the rebuilding process."
Reconstruction efforts on the as-of-ye unaffected Galveston coast are expected to be completed some time in 2020, pending the invasion of Iran.