Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: FEMA, New Orleans

Thursday, 29 September 2005

image for Air Force One Has Attitude
"This job has its perks."

Due to the number of trips back and forth to New Orleans accumulating flight miles, President Bush will soon be able to fly first class free for the rest of his life after leaving office. Former head of FEMA, Michael Brown, described the Governor of Louisiana and the Mayor of New Orleans as dysfunctional, during a House Select Committee hearing, and there on the left hand side of the television screen cuts in Air Force One landing again, Bush getting out from what looks like the plane's basement. Didn't know the plane had a door down there. Cargo exit? It appeared dysfunctional. Mighty Air Force One looked a little embarrassed.

"All this commuting back and forth, I'm beginning to feel like a Greyhound Bus. Not that there is anything wrong with a Greyhound Bus. Some of my best friends are Greyhound Buses. Well, actually, none of my friends are Greyhound Buses. I am Air Force One." Air Force One speaks in capital letters, never minces words and has a north western accent. Made in Washington state, by Boeing.

President Clinton said that what he missed most about being President was Camp David, the Marine Corp Band and Air Force One. If a President manages to balance the budget; leaves office with a surplus, and keeps the nation out of war - shock and awe, decapitation type war - at retirement he or she should be given their own Air Force One. Bill Clinton qualifies.

In severe contrast, President Bush's current record in office, forfeits all those accumulated flight miles, and he would have to work as a flight attendant for the rest of his life after leaving office. The Economy section seems too savage. "Let him pantomime the emergency evacuation directions. See if he gets tangled up with the exit strategy." First Class might be a little embarrassing, as those people were once referred to as his base. "Gee, George, what you doing pushing the trolley? I'll have a gin and tonic." His permanent station as a flight attendant could be in Business Class, that comfortable womb like area in the center of the plane where you are served second helpings of warm nuts without even asking, begging or stealing. At least on United Airlines.

"We have plenty of warm nuts on Air Force One."

Eeeeeee, sounds a little salty.

"So what? I am Air Force One."

Okay.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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