WASHINGTON - After announcing he would run for President in 2012, the media, think tanks, and laypersons then sat down, thought, and realised he's the best hope.
"Even Newt is saddened at the prospect of himself running for Pres," said the leader of the Shuttleworth Institute. "We've analysed millions of pieces of data, and found out that he's the only hope really."
With no Republican candidates that can be taken seriously, the Democrats appear to have jumped in polls for having a decisive presidential candidate.
"He's nearly guaranteed to get in," said a political expert. "Nearly 9 of 10 incumbents - in any level of democratic election, whether it be Student Councillor, Project Manager, or even President - will go on to be re-elected. We're used to him, so we'll vote him in again."
Many half-brained people point to Palin as an opposition... really? Palin? Might as well have the leader of Westboro Church.
Many think, after a few minutes, Obama actually is pretty decent, it's just that the guys in his way are built like tanks. Or Volvos.
"The healthcare bill," said an aide, "a bunch of other cool shit I can't remember. But the man is trying okay. He didn't promise to lower taxes, because he was being honest. Obama is an oxymoron of a politician."