Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

image for Kate Gosselin Announces That She Has Agreed To Settle Her Lawsuit Against Sarah Palin
Kate Gosselin says that a day does not go by that she does not miss her ex-bodyguard Steve "The Gray Fox" Nield.

READING, Pennsylvania - Kate Gosselin, the Emmy-nominated star of Kate Plus 8 has informed the entertainment media that she has agreed to settle her lawsuit against the ex-governor of Alaska Sarah Palin.

Gosselin had filed a lawsuit against the ex-future mother-in-law of Levi Johnston, the next mayor of Wasilla, on grounds of second degree Nolo Quid Pro Ad Hoc Modus Operandi Traumatization.

Her attorney, noted Right Coast lawsuit piranha Dardanelle Cyrus Blewpillski, had filed the $6.7 million lawsuit in Berks County, Pennsylvania, where Kate Gosselin, who was born Katie Irene Kreider, resides with her eight children.

Mr. Blewpillski's lawsuit contends that Kate Irene Gosselin during her camping trip to Wasilla, Alaska with the Palin Family (i.e. Sarah, Todd, Willow, and Piper) was subjected by the plaintiffs to unfavorable conditions which can best be characterized as being horribly horrendous, disgustingly dreadful, wretchedly repulsive, and hideously deplorable.

The lawsuit goes on to state that during the 'trip to frozen hell' as Ms. Gosselin described it, she was even subjected to being hit in the face with a full grown, adult salmon which was tossed at her by 9-year-old Piper Palin.

Mr. Blewpillski, is best noted as the attorney who attained a settlement of $32 million for his client former NFL Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Terry Bradshaw in the infamous sports equipment case known as Bradshaw Vs. Pennsylvania.

Blewpillski noted that after the Gosselin family returned from Alaska he had eight (8) doctors examine Ms. Gosselin and that out of the eight, seven stated that she was most definitely suffering from a case of induced geographical trauma which she acquired during her trip up to frozen Alaska to visit with the Palin family.

The one doctor who did not make that assessment said that he had to remove himself from the situation as he has a tremendous, uncontrolled obsession with Sarah Palin and he feels that since in his eyes, she hung the moon and can do no wrong, he may be prejudiced against Ms. Gosselin.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I normally would not reveal the doctor's name, but in this case because of the extreme nature of his unbridled obsession with a possible presidential candidate in 2012, I feel a strong obligatory obligation to name the doctor in order to warn prospective patients of his extremely biased nature. The doctors name is Dr. Cadwallader F. Quibberlux, physicians license #9832-0031FZ.]

When Kate was asked what the out-of-court settlement was she merely smiled and said that the judge in the case had sealed the figure amount but she did say that all of her eight brats (her word) will all eventually be enrolling in Harvard.

Kate Gosselin has asked that when her former bodyguard Steve "The Gray Fox" Nield reads this article that she would really appreciate it if he could text her, call her, or email her as soon as possible.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 5?

1 20 15 11
92 readers are online right now!

Go to top