Humboldt County, CA - There's something new in the air this Spring, and its having a major effect on California's marijuana crop. Airborne radiation from Japan is making the marijuana plants grow higher than the giant sequoias. A bumper crop of cannabis is expected.
Nuclear scientists believe a radioactive isotope of the element potomium is making the cannabis plants grow like crazy. The potomium has a half-life of 420 years, so it should be around for awhile. It presents no danger to humans, and only affects marijuana.
One cannabis farmer in Humboldt County saw his plants grow over 500 feet, just in one hour! Reports from the scene say that the marijuana plants are literally growing up into the clouds. Scientists believe the plants could grow to over 30,000 feet within the next month. Smoking material harvested from the plants is said to be "very strong."
Unfortunately, there is downside to the giant cannabis plants--they're carnivorous. The plants seem to prefer the taste of human flesh, especially the taste of pot-smokers. Thousands of Californians have already been devoured by the plants, and many more have disappeared.
The radioactive potomium is also causing some of the giant, flesh-eating plants to grow limbs. Hundreds of gigantic plants, starving for human flesh, have been seen marching towards San Francisco. The city is now being evacuated.