Washington D.C.- President Barack Obama shocked the White House Press Corps today, announcing that he will not seek re-election.
The President said, "I'm not going to sugar coat it, this job sucks. I can talk change all I want, but the second I put a bill or idea forward to Congress you can be damn sure they will change every last part of it, and the bill that finally gets voted in is stuffed to its ears in pork. As such. I am quitting, more or less, and have no intention of running for a second term."
When asked of his future plans President Obama sited speaking fees and noted how much money Sarah Palin has been racking in the speaking circuit. He mentioned that "if you can't beat em, you should join em," and said he would even consider a job as lobbyist, "I figure, why not? They are the ones who really run this country. Trust me. If I really wanted power I would be a lobbyist."
When asked of his legacy, President Obama responded "Honestly, who cares? I am going to make a killing off of my memoir from my days in the White House. I am already loaded. Probably 90 percent of the people on Earth know my name. That is legacy enough.