The Los Angeles County D.A. who prosecuted the cocaine possession cases of Paris Hilton and Bruno Mars with all the fervor that Charlie Sheen chases whiskey-flavored hooker vaginas has been busted... for cocaine possession.
David Schubert was pulled over around 5 p.m. and disposed of a crack rock that he just purchased as an undercover cop closed in, Clark County District Attorney David Roger stated.
That the real name for cocaine is benzoylmethylecgonine. And, it smells delicious!!
That sh-t's not f--king mine, how can you even say that it's mine, it must be left over, like, evidence or something, because it isn't mine and why is it so f--king hot in here are you sweating because I'm sweating I am so thirsty let's go play some pool, are you guys with me? C'mon seriously let's just f--king forget this stupid sh-t and go to an arcade," said the 47-year-old prosecutor to deputies who arrested him.
We actually encourage our attorneys to use cocaine," said Executive District Attorney Rodney King. "That sh-t is awesome!"
When asked for comment, Schubert victim Paris Hilton said, "I find it both disheartening and serendipitous; it is sad that another soul falls to the demon cocaine like the chaff of winter wheat falls in the driven snow, yet I find serendipity in the knowledge that ironic comeuppance befalls my persecutor."
"I will pray to Manon for him and his family. All Hail The Wiccan Goddess Isis," the hotel heiress concluded. "Hail to the Guardians of the Watchtowers of the North - powers of mother and earth! Hear us, O Rule of Deeps, Guardian of the Bitter Sea. Show us your glory."