Written by Don Fulsom
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Wednesday, 30 March 2011

image for Bonds: Testicle Shrinkage Due to Sex Change
Bonds: Cute, but dangerous.

Former baseball slugger Barry Bonds acknowledged today that his sperm-manufacturing organs did indeed atrophy-but not because he was taking steroids to make him more powerful at the plate.

Bonds said he suffered the retracted gonads because he was experimenting with drugs that could change him into a woman. Outside the courtroom, where his former girlfriend had testified about the fat-headed, acne-laced former hitting star's shrunken sexual package, Bonds shouted: "If I wanted to start becoming a woman, that's my own damn business!

An angry Bonds declared: "It's not baseball's business and it's not the court's business, you stupid bums! And I caught the acne from a teenager I'm dating!" When asked about his fat head, Bonds exclaimed: "Let's go head-to-head, you pinheaded nutcase! I'll crush your damn skull!"

Steroid-takers lose their temper easily and fabricate stories to explain the teeny size of their testicles, doctors familiar with the consequences of steroid use say.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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