After being on TV 7 times a day for the first year and a half of his reign, President Obama has been conspicuously absent in the past 6 months as world and domestic events have spun out of control and the US ship of state appears not only rudderless, but with the President dithering on the POOP deck and no one at the helm!
The new mentally challenged Press Secretary, Jay Carney, a former TIME correspondent and former 'spokesman' for gaffe prone VP Joe "cho-cho" Biden the AMTRAK engineer wannabe, announced that a reluctant Obama would attempt to 'clarify' the unclassifiable; his confused, meandering foreign policy in a prepared speech to be presented to the gobsmacked, dazed and confused American public Tuesday night.
"Let me be Clear*" mumbled the profusely sweating Carney, "the President DOES have 'a way forward **, but it "it will not be easy***, and make no mistake ****, here's the deal *****, despite what you may think, the President does see the light at the end of the train tunnel and because he's in charge of the switch, he'll be able to prevent the wreck, ahh, um, right, they'll be no train wreck on the President's watch, read my lips!"
Unfortunately there were no pool reporters to verify the White House account of Carney's message, as the only approved reporter had been locked in a closet by White House Security until after the press conference.
Former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, recently returned from an Afghan Trade Junket to discuss buying a San Francisco family restaurant franchise from Harmid Karzi agreed, "It won't be easy, she said, " most of the American public is uneducated and just don't understand the brilliant nuances involved in the President's policies."
"Make no mistake, " uttered former Fannie Mae Butt Boy, and former House Banking chairman Barney Frank, (D, Gay, MA), after emerging from the closet with the incarcerated reporter, "the President has been completely transparent since he's taken office, it's just that the American Public can't see clearly!"
"Here's the Deal," said Las Vegas shell game operator and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, "the President is advancing his Chaos Doctrine to destabilize the middle east, most Red State governments, and to marginalize the Supreme Court of the United States.
By continuously moving a non existent Pea around he's assured that no one knows what the F****k he's doing and due to the confusion he'll be re elected in 2012; that's the bottom line when it comes to Kenyan Politics!"
The President, who spent most of last month attending White House cocktail parties, enjoying a World Junket Spring Break trip to Brazil and posing with Christ on the Mount, while agonizing over his Sweet 16 Basketball picks appears to have continued his track record of not backing a winner on anything.
Only one of his picks, Kentucky, made it into the final four, and while he has sent his fashion icon wife to ESPN's sport show 'Pardon the Interruption' to plead his case for the Wildcats, insiders predict she'll have the same results after she made a fool of herself and the country when she pleaded for the Olympic games to come to Chicago to boost the net worth of some 'personal friends and supporters.'
Said a spokesman for the Tea Party dedicated to cut spending and regain fiscal responsibility for the country, "Read my lips, 'it won't be easy', but
the Dude will be gone after 2012, that's the good news, the bad news is it's going to take
8 years to clean up the mess he's left behind and get back on track...and I don't mean AMTRAK!"
Ed Note: Obama's favorite catch phrases and still counting since in office:
** lost count