Des Moines, IA - Newt Gingrich, who more closely resembles something from the Movie, Gremlins, has decided to undergo a makeover, but the changes will not just be skin deep.
According to his closest political advisor, Charlie Sheen, "In order for Newt to receive ANY votes, it is necessary for him to completely change his appearance, behavior, ideology and most of all his "intellectual prowess", end quote.
Sheen listed the following specific changes:
- Restructure face and vocal cords
- Full frontal lobotomy
- New hair
- Theme music when giving interviews
- Drop all ideology from the 1980s...in Newt's case this would be all of his ideology
- Remove all Ronald Reagan photos from office, including the one on his ceiling over the hide-a-bed
Gingrich is schedule to undergo changes in a Canadian hospital next week.