Philadelphia, PA - An unusual weather system, spanning coast to coast, is making people around the country very nervous. The Spring storm is bringing rain from California all the way to New York. It's a purple rain, and it's both very beautiful and very strange.
Government meteorologists say there is nothing unusual about the purple rain, and it has nothing to do with radioactive fallout from Japan.
"We'll known about purple rain at least since the 1980's." said famed weather forecaster Eliot Idiot. "Someone even wrote a song about it, almost 30 years ago. There is nothing to be afraid of."
Alarmed residents say the purple rain is very heavy, and it seems to kill everything it touches, especially birds.
"The purple rain does not hurt anything! We just found out that Global Warming is making the rain turn purple. If you're afraid, and want to blame someone, blame Sarah Palin." said the government scientist.
The foolish government scientist then began to sing a few bars of an old song:
We never meant to cause you any sorrow
We only meant to cause you lots of pain
We only want to see you dying
In the purple rain...