Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 23 March 2011

image for Tiger Woods and His New Lover, Alyse Lahti Johnston, Are Planning a Thanksgiving Day Wedding
A photo of the one thing that all of Tiger Woods' girlfriends have in common. (Photo courtesy of Charlie Sheen).

WINDEMERE, Florida - It appears that Eldrick Tont Wood's golf game isn't getting any better but his 'off-the-course' 'ball' game seems to be doing okay as evidenced by his latest much-younger, white, blonde girlfriend 22-year-old Alyse Lahti Johnston.

Tiger Woods, the man who has been around the nether regions of more blondes than some gynecologists, seems to just keep 'chipping' away at the same old 'Sand Traps.'

TigerBoy says that he is not a racist, but when was the last time that anyone saw the skinny, little bro with a black woman? Ahhh...Hmmm...Well didn't he take Tandra LaQuanda Franklin-Washington to the high school prom or was that Sally Jilly Dopplecork?

Woods suffers from the same malady that another black conceited athlete named O.J. Simpson had. These chumps like to be seen with women who are whiter than the inside of a coconut, but when it comes down to wanting a shoulder to lean on, or to cry on they choose women who look more like Whoopi Goldberg, Oprah Winfrey, or Venus Williams.

And so now, a new 'Vanilla Flavor of The Month" has latched on to "El Tigre." And this one has the distinction of actually being a golfer. So it's not like she just happened to be in the neighborhood looking for her lost cockatoo.

No this one even has some flaws. A few months ago she was arrested, booked, fingerprinted, and photographed for DUI. A few weeks later she was stopped for having a burned out tail light, an expired inspection sticker, and missing a right rear tire. And just last week she was questioned about an illegal shipment of counterfeit IUDs.

But other than that, it appears that things are going along well for the two lovebirds. And the word on the expensively paved streets of Windemere, Florida is that Tiger and his new "Kitten" may be planning a Thanksgiving Day Wedding.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: An unnamed source said that this Thanksgiving, Tiger will be locking up all of his golf clubs and he will be hiding the keys to his black Cadillac Escalade SUV in a place where no one but he can find them.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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