Written by Noddy Bigears
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Thursday, 22 September 2005

ZYX News corporation reports a brutal attempt by Noddites to kidnap Condoleezza Rice outside the White House has been thwarted by US Special Services in the last few seconds before they could have escaped in their turbo-charged red and yellow escape vehicle into the Washington traffic. The violent exchange of gun fire succeeded in shooting out the tires of the escaping automobile. Condoleezza Rice is reported to be unhurt but deeply shocked.


The US secret services were alerted using ultra sophisticated surveillance techniques across the United States as they started to pick up the Noddites movements. Apparently, the reports of sightings of the suspected Noddites and their devious activities started when one of their vehicles was noticed in a parking lot by the attendant, Fredrick White. Fredrick told ZYX news "Hey, it was a good guess, I had stopped using crack-cocaine a few weeks ago so when I first saw the little yellow and red car and the funny design, hey, I thought this is some bad dream but after pulling myself together, I alerted the authorities to the strange automobile." The tip-off triggered the State wide search for the perpetrators believed to be heading for Disney Land but the difficulty in accurately describing the funny little men with their red jackets may have frustrated efforts to close in on them earlier.


The exact target of the Noddites was unknown until a whole load of funny looking men were seen rushing towards the White House dressed with red jackets, yellow neck ties and pointy blue hats with a yellow bobble. Most appeared through manhole covers and running into the front lobby they initially overcame the limited secret service resistance although they delayed their breakthrough significantly by signing the visitor's book. This unexpected element would not have been enough if it had not been planned for a surprise White House Disney fantasy day for some months as a reward to President Willy Wonka by his wife.


Unfortunately for Condoleezza Rice, she had just finished a press briefing in a side room and was overwhelmed by the buzzing throng of Noddites in the lobby as she opened the door. The dramatic scene was heart rendering as she was dragged towards the escape vehicles and offered a range of chocolate chip cookies after she had been forced into the Noddites vehicle for their exit strategy. ZYX News anchorman, Geoff Backoff explained, "I begged them to take me instead but they would not listen, in fact they started screaming, where is the President Willy Wonka, let him out, free him, give him up to us and they started to search all of the immediate White House rooms."


US Special Services arrived on the scene just as the Noddites started their escape, the armed guards had no choice but to brutally gun down nearly every single one as it was feared that they were concealing biological weapons in their hats. Fortunately, this was later confirmed to be untrue and there is no risk of contamination to the White House staff or public. Condoleezza Rice is expected to release a press statement later today. The Pentagon is currently studying the last surviving Noddite, hopefully their investigation will find out just where they came from.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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