WASHINGTON (AP)--Would-be Christians on the go who are used to reading executive summaries of important documents can now scan a radically chopped-down Bible that can be read in under 15 minutes. The Bible is newly released by a publishing firm recently set-up by the Bush Administration.
Vice President Dick Cheney unveiled the miniature book on Wednesday at a White House press conference, where he showed off the self-styled "10-Minute Bible" to reporters. He claims it is an ultra-condensed edition of the Christian Holy Book which neatly summarizes every teaching from the Creation to Revelations.
Bible Banger Press, the publishers of the speed-read Bible, indicated that the book has been written for those who want to know more about Christianity but who do not have the time or the brainpower to read the original in full.
"This is a book for children and stunted adults and has been written in a style to encourage readers to keep turning the pages, without resorting to any literary gimmicks," said Cheney, who has a financial interest in the publishing firm. He hoped that the 10-minute Bible itself would become a bestseller.
The Bush Administration indicated that the new Bible would be distributed to American soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan, as well as to the victims of Hurricanes Rita and Katrina and to others harmed by the policies of the Bush presidency.
Here is an excerpt from the beginning of the 10-Minute Bible: "In the beginning God created Heaven and Earth and he saw it was good, even though it was kind of dark.
So God said, Let there be light, and Let there be apples, but don't eat them or you will get into big trouble.
But Eve didn't listen so God booted her and Adam out of the Garden of Eden. Then God created oil and the Republican Party and the rich people in his very own image, and they were all pretty good.
Then there was a Big Flood that lasted 40 days and 40 nights sort of like in New Orleans and Texas and Noah stuck all the animals two by two into a Great Big Ark and they were saved.
Eventually after a lot of prophets got it wrong, God sent his only son Jesus H. Christ to save all of the worthy people who were also the rich people…"