Written by Charpa93
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Topics: moon, Gravity, Bowling

Saturday, 19 March 2011

image for Supermoon Responsible for Above-Average Bowling Scores

The full moon of March 19th, being touted as the 'supermoon' due to its increased size and brightness is having an effect on the bowling scores of millions of bowlers across America. Once average and sub-average bowlers are now scoring above 250 and many are bowling perfect games. At least, that is the claim of one bowling alley owner from New Jersey who has been arrested for fraud.

Sal Mineola, owner of the Stardust Bowling Alley in Parsippany, New Jersey says that while they are having a hard time figuring it out, he's not complaining. "We have a special going where you pay a penny a pin. Usually, our worst bowlers get off with paying less than a buck to bowl an entire game, but with this here phenomenon going on, we're making out like bandits. We're averaging around $2.80 per game per person. Our profit has gone up over 200%.

Mineola says that while it is costing bowlers more these past few days to bowl a game, his attendance numbers are through the roof. "I been havin' to take reservations for alleys, that's how busy we are." Mineola thinks the draw is that so many people are finally realizing their dream of bowling a perfect game.

"Put it dis way," said Mineola, "Bowling is one a dose games wheres you got just ten chances, maybe eleven to bowl a good game. When you are just barely bowlin' 100, you give up easy. It ain't no use cause you know you are a loser. But when you come widdin' 10, 20 points of a perfect score, you get so hooked, you wanna play all night long. It's a win for you, and definitely a win for Stardust."

New Jersey gaming officials, however, were leery upon learning of the extraordinary scores being tallied by Stardust's patrons and were called in to inspect the equipment at the bowling alley. It appears that Mineola had done some tampering by placing magnets in both the ten-pins and the balls. Mineola was placed under arrest for fraud perpetrated on his customers.

Attorneys for Mineola claim their client is innocent and that the bowling scores were directly linked to the powerful gravitational pull of the supermoon event and nothing more. Meanwhile, Mineola's customers are protesting to have the Stardust Bowling Lanes re-opened so that they can continue their unusual winning streaks. "This here's New jersey," said Danny "the Deuce" Donoviccio. "We expect a little cheating every now and again. It kinda separates us from them other losers."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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