As last reported, attempts to make Jihad the Chimp give up the location of Osama bin Laden by waterboarding have failed.
Alarmed by the non-stop grunting and gesticulations by the hirsute orangutan and fearing that he might create an insurrection among his fellow terrorists, The CIA attempted to put him on a plane and transfer him to an unknown prison in Eastern Europe.
This procedure is called extraordinary rendition and has also been called torture by proxy by some who claim that this measure has been employed with the knowledge and acquiescence of the president. Be that as it may, at around midnight last night marshals unlocked the chattering chimp's cell and tried to grab him from his enclosure. Jihad would have none of this. First biting off the nose of one marshal and then two fingers from the agent holding him in a headlock, he clamored up the bars of his cell, swinging like a jungle trained orangutan possessed by simian demons.
With the rendition plane idling on the GITMO tarmac, all hell was breaking loose back at CIA Headquaters in Virginia. "Obama said to get that f..king monkey out of GITMO before Palin finds out we waterboarded the son-of-a-bitch."
More to follow.......