Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 18 March 2011

image for Brazen Bank Robber In A Wheel Chair Holds Up The Second National Bank of Baltimore
Baltimore's Second National Bank shown on the left. (Photo from the private collection of Heidi Montag).

BALTIMORE - In what many local law enforcement authorities are calling the most brazen bank robbery in Baltimore's history, a man in a wheel chair entered Baltimore's Second National Bank and held it up.

The robber who has been identified as Barnwell F. Friggersteen, 53, entered the bank shortly after it opened.

He waited in line for six minutes and once he got up to the teller, he handed her a handwritten note stating that this was a holdup and that she was to put 20s, 50s, and 100s in the Baltimore Ravens football helmet which he took off his head and handed to her.

For some inexplicable reason Friggersteen wore a Wonder Woman mask, a Spider Man shirt, and Ben Roethlisberger designer football cleats.

After being handed the money, he placed the helmet on his lap and asked the bank's security guard if he could push him to the front door.

The bank guard immediately complied with the instructions as Mr. Friggersteen was holding a round bomb with a 12 inch fuse which was lit and burning down.

Friggersteen went out the bank's front door and started going down the street at a fairly good rate of speed considering he was in a wheel chair.

As he reached the first intersection the light turned red. Friggersteen stopped and it was while he was waiting for the light to change that two Baltimore police officers tackled him.

One of the officers identified as Harcourt Billabong (Badge #91973568)grabbed the bomb and instantly pulled out the fuse.

The second officer Mallory Silverfork (Badge #91973401) picked up Friggersteen, tossed him to the ground and tasered him twice.

In the meantime the football helmet had rolled into the street where a parking meter maid had picked it up and was holding on to it.

Friggersteen reportedly told the officers that he was going to take the money and donate it to actor Charlie Sheen who he had heard had been fired from his job.

In sports news. Former Green Bay Packers, New York Jets, and Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre, who this year retired from football, has informed Sports Territory Magazine that he is seriously considering an offer to play for the Tijuana Tamale Packers of the Baja California Football League (BCFL).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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