WASHINGTON (AP) The White House was in turmoil this afternoon as it became evident that President George Bush abdicated his office. Sometime in the middle of the previous night, Marine 1, the president's helicopter, made a trip to Andrews AFB, but now it seems clear that the mission was just an attempt to hide the real location of George Bush.
A source said to be close to Karl Rove leaked to reporters that the president left Washington by Greyhound bus. A Spoof reporter spoke with a ticket agent at the Greyhound Bus terminal: "Tell us about the strange man who left here last night."
"Well sir, there was this fellow wearing dark sunglasses and he had a little black dog with him that he said was his seeing eye companion dog… I think it one of those Scottish Terriers. The strange thing was that this guy had a face that looked like a chimpanzee. He didn't really act like he was blind but I didn't want to make a fuss, so I let him go. He bought a ticket to some place in North Dakota near the Canadian border. He was wearing an old worn out Yale sweatshirt and checked a suitcase that had some kind of official looking seal on it."
Back at the White House, Laura Bush told reporters, "You know all this Katrina business was just too much for George. He was beginning to feel like everything was just coming apart when no one would believe any of his lies. I still love him, but leaving me here all alone in the White House was not very nice."
Just recovering from an operation, Vice President Cheney had not been told about the news of the abdication due to fear that might cause Cheney to have a serious heart attack.
In a phone call, Senator Ted Kennedy said, "Usually in cases like this, the power of the presidency would go to the Vice President or the Speaker of the House I think. But considering all the harm that has been done to this country over the last few years, I think we might do better without a president for a while.
As news of George Bush's abdication spread, Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin ordered all Canadian border-crossing points sealed until further notice.