Written by Felix Minderbinder
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Sunday, 18 September 2005

image for White House Opens Its Doors to Republican Refugees from New Orleans
Republican refugees in the White House

WASHINGTON (AP)-The White House has opened its doors to dozens of Republican refugees from New Orleans who have been housed in various rooms scattered throughout the historic pile

"It's been heart-breaking to see them come straggling in with their flunkies carrying their water-stained Gucci luggage and gold-plated golf clubs, with their Rolexes that were splashed by all that contaminated water," sobbed staffer Karl Rove. "We put out a call throughout the capital for eider-down duvets, and now they are at least resting comfortably and drying out while their accountants check over their water-logged stock and bond certificates."

White House Tour Guides say that the presence of the well-heeled refugees has added some spice to the public tours, which many Democrats have joined in order to witness the sad tragedy of those dispossessed from their mansions and hotel suites by the inundation.

"Just looks at those poor rich bastards," said Fred Fluntstone, a Democrat from Boston. "They even have to eat their caviar and truffles in the White House cafeteria with the visiting proles. It's really disgusting."

The White House parking lot is now filled with Porsches, Cadillacs, Bentleys and Rolls Royces that are still jam packed with alligator suitcases and have visibly lost their luster due to faded wax jobs.

"Some of those vehicles may never look the same again, and their resale value may have dropped by 2 or 3 percent," said Carl Cucumber of the White House Secret Service, shaking his head sadly. "We wax and wax them but the sheen may be permanently gone."

For his part, George Gerbil, one of the Republican refugees now living on the floor of the Roosevelt Room with his family in the White House who had been trapped in the penthouse of the New Orleans Marriott Hotel, said that he never wanted to go through an experience like that again. Gerbil is a senior executive with Halliburton, one of the many Republican companies to benefit from the damage caused by Hurricane Katrina.

"To have to live on Evian water, canap├ęs and cake for an entire week while watching those poor Democrats flounder and drown on the streets below us was so nerve-wracking," he admitted. "Thank God the Marriot maintained tight security and kept them out of the building. I'm just thankful that Vice President Dick Cheney arranged for helicopter transportation and fixed up a $200,000 check to compensate us under the Bush rebuilding initiative."

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