NEW YORK CITY - Chelsea Clinton-Mezvinsky, who is still shaken up by the fact that she has been dumped by her husband Marc Mezvinsky, is extremely upset that Monica Lewinsky is trying to waltz her way back into her father's life.
Chelsea told The Right Coast Illustrated Revue that she does not appreciate the fact that the lowly White House intern, who nearly wrecked her mom and dad's marriage by playing "Oval Office" house with her dad, has suddenly slipped back into the political spotlight.
She added that Lewinsky has not married because who would want to marry a woman who did the unbelievably intimate and vulgaristic things that she did with the president of the United States.
Chelsea divulged that Monica Lewinsky better stay away from her daddy or she may find herself being charged with Alienation of Ipso Dipso Nolo Frangrante Pro Peckeritus.
Chelsea confessed that she has been so traumatized by the presidential-intern ordeal that to this day she still cannot stand to look at a pepperoni pizza much less eat one.
She added that she also has nightmares about cigars, knee pads, and Listerine.
Chelsea said that she knows that her mother is also upset that "La Harmonica Player" the code name that the Secret Service used for Monica Lewinsky, is also back on the scene sniffing around like a bitch dog in heat.
Clinton-Mezvinsky pointed out that she knows that her mother allegedly told Lewinsky that "Bill" might be available soon.
But Chelsea was quick to proclaim that her mother only did that as a reverse psychological mechanism on the ex-intern skank who had to leave the country and move to the African nation of Dutch West Wakaboonka due to being embarrassed beyond belief.
The Right Coast Illustrated Revue tried to contact Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for a comment but her office said she was vacationing in Tripoli, Libya and hoping to privately meet with Colonel and Mrs. Moammar Gadhafi.