Written by Tawdry Soup
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Monday, 14 March 2011

Members of the ever ridiculous and idiotic Topeka, Kansas-based Westboro Baptist Church, hot on the wheels of their recent Supreme Court victory allowing protests at military funerals that horrify grieving families with bigoted signs and rhetoric, were spotted today in front of the Fukushima Daiichi power plant in Japan, with their standard litany of signs including several with the words "God Hates Japs" written across a crude replica of the Japanese flag.

The Patron Saint of Hate, Fred Phelps, pacing the broken sidewalk like a starving jackal, was heard rallying the family shortly after they arrived at the damaged nuclear facility piled in the back of a truck filled with radioactive turnips.

Spouting a tsunami of hatred, Phelps began, "OK, you nimwits. The whole world is watching us right now. Every camera in the world is focused on our blessed message from God, and that is: God not only hates fags and stuff, he hates Japs-them slanty-eyed, rice-eatin', Buddha-lovin' fish mongers. Do you know them Japs believe a sound can be sacred? A sound? Well get an earful of this you Jappy Japs: God has come all the way from Topeka to seek vengeance on you because you didn't finish bombing that fag-lovin' United States back in '41? Now you're paying the price for not killin' more fags. America just plum full of fags. Sometimes I think I'm full of fags. But anyway, it's the Jap tolerance of fags in the U.S. that caused this earthquake and we here to show what happens when a free society is too tolerant of other kinds of people. Now get those signs up!"

The family members, including a 3 and 5 year old, enthusiastically followed their marching orders as a cacophony of sirens wailed in the distance. Their colorful signs, many having the colors of the gay rainbow flag, stood in stark contrast to the gray devastation of the earthquake zone.

Tawdry Soup, in a crackly phone conversation with a Japanese military officer in charge of evacuation around the leaking nuclear facility asked, "Why are they allowed in there? I thought the place was evacuated?"

The officer replied "God make iodide pill, and we in charge of iodide pill."

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