Written by Tawdry Soup
Print this

Monday, 14 March 2011

Members of the ever ridiculous and idiotic Topeka, Kansas-based Westboro Baptist Church, hot on the wheels of their recent Supreme Court victory allowing protests at military funerals that horrify grieving families with bigoted signs and rhetoric, were spotted today in front of the Fukushima Daiichi power plant in Japan, with their standard litany of signs including several with the words "God Hates Japs" written across a crude replica of the Japanese flag.

The Patron Saint of Hate, Fred Phelps, pacing the broken sidewalk like a starving jackal, was heard rallying the family shortly after they arrived at the damaged nuclear facility piled in the back of a truck filled with radioactive turnips.

Spouting a tsunami of hatred, Phelps began, "OK, you nimwits. The whole world is watching us right now. Every camera in the world is focused on our blessed message from God, and that is: God not only hates fags and stuff, he hates Japs-them slanty-eyed, rice-eatin', Buddha-lovin' fish mongers. Do you know them Japs believe a sound can be sacred? A sound? Well get an earful of this you Jappy Japs: God has come all the way from Topeka to seek vengeance on you because you didn't finish bombing that fag-lovin' United States back in '41? Now you're paying the price for not killin' more fags. America just plum full of fags. Sometimes I think I'm full of fags. But anyway, it's the Jap tolerance of fags in the U.S. that caused this earthquake and we here to show what happens when a free society is too tolerant of other kinds of people. Now get those signs up!"

The family members, including a 3 and 5 year old, enthusiastically followed their marching orders as a cacophony of sirens wailed in the distance. Their colorful signs, many having the colors of the gay rainbow flag, stood in stark contrast to the gray devastation of the earthquake zone.

Tawdry Soup, in a crackly phone conversation with a Japanese military officer in charge of evacuation around the leaking nuclear facility asked, "Why are they allowed in there? I thought the place was evacuated?"

The officer replied "God make iodide pill, and we in charge of iodide pill."

Make Tawdry Soup's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.

Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 4 plus 4?

7 8 25 10
43 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience on our website, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more