Written by Charpa93
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Friday, 11 March 2011

image for Newt Gingrich Praised for Bringing Workplace Promiscuity into the Spotlight
2 Much Hard Work = 2 Much Sex

For anyone doubting Newt Gingrich's claims that working too hard or, in his words, "plunging oneself too deeply into their work" can cause many married men to stray, a new study just out actually proves he may be telling the truth.

In fact, Gingrich has now become the poster boy for a new embarrassing medical condition called "Workplace Promiscuity." Researchers at Tulane University have just concluded a three-year study of the condition and say there are many professions where Workplace Promiscuity is most prominent, including politics. They have also concluded that, for some inexplicable reason, the condition is most prevalent in politicians with a strong Christian belief system where self-flagellation is a common practice.

Gingrich, former Speaker of the House, is being praised by his fellow Republicans for having the courage to admit his long struggle with Workplace Promiscuity and they hope that by doing so, he will allow others to come out as well and eventually seek treatment for this horrible affliction.

Some of the afflicted were not as fortunate as Gingrich to have caught the malady in time. One of the better-known cases was California Assemblyman, Michael Duvall. Duvall, a married man, was caught on live microphone telling a fellow assemblyman about having sex with not one, but two women, that one of the women was a lobbyist, and neither was his wife, which brought about the end to his political career.

Duvall has been offered treatment, but declined and instead has gone into the business of selling insurance, which he claims is just as good or better than politics. "I've never been busier," said Duvall with a wink. His wife, however, worries that he is working harder than when he was an assemblyman and wonders if he'll suffer a relapse.

There is only one case where Workplace Promiscuity has worked for a politician. That is the case of former President Bill Clinton. In his case, all the stars lined up perfectly for him to sustain a healthy after-office career without much fallout from his infamous affair with Monica Lewinsky. "I have a very forgiving wife, who, herself works way to hard to keep tabs on me," said Clinton. "That, and the fact that I don't always have to work that hard anymore to get the job done helps immensely," he said. "In fact, you may say I've become somewhat of a softie."

Meanwhile, those closest to Newt Gingrich worry that he is still working very hard and are suggesting he pull out of politics early before he loses his third wife from the fallout of his Workplace Promiscuity. Nothing would make the Democrats happier in light of his recent desire to run for President in the upcoming 2012 erection…er elections.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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