The Tsunami that hit California brought with it several unintended consequences as Marine Border Patrol reports are coming in of Great White Sharks having surfed their way up the Colorado River snacking on several illegal immigrants attempting to float their way into Arizona on inner tubes!
The mighty Colorado flows from Rocky Mountain National Park over 1450 miles to discharge into the Gulf of California between the California Baja Peninsula, and mainland Mexico.
Marine Biologists theorize that the killer wolf pack of Great Whites surfed their way up the river thanks to the 12' Tsunami that struck California this morning until they arrived at a natural feeding ground, the main route for illegal aliens who paddle their way into Arizona on a daily basis.
"They're deadly hunters, " said Marine Fisheries Commissioner and noted angler Dr. Victor Nicholas, called in from Canada to study the phenomena. "Once they locate a rich feeding area they won't leave until they're satisfied....they'll even chase their sun bathing prey right up on the beach. a trick they learned in Argentina when feeding on beach going Argentinians. "
Nicholas went on to clarify saying a strict diet of Argentinians was indeed an acquired taste, although former SC Governor Mark Sanford is known to prefer them, but that the white sharks seemed to have adapted to the occasional Australian, South African, and now the slightly more spicy and rotund Mexicans.
Border patrol agents say they are picking up scattered body parts all along the beaches, but that it's really to early to tell the cause of death and contribute it entirely to the sharks.
Special Agent William "Wild Bill" Lynchcock, who's been with the DEA for 32 years said he wasn't ready to blame the sharks for the carnage.
"Several of the dismembered heads we found had gun shot wounds behind the ears, and at least two legs showed evidence of being 'knee capped', he said, " it's a good bet the Cartels are using this latest natural incident involving the sharks to dispose of their Cartel Competitors, and of course, there is always the chance the Mexican Army is contributing to the rising death toll as part of an elaborate training exercise with US Homeland Security
which Napilatano hasn't told us about yet!"
Meanwhile back in San Francisco Governor Jerry 'Moonbeam" Brown and crowds are gathering to honor Hawaiian Surfer Peleki Kamaka who arrived just hours ago after riding a 33 foot wave at 500 MPH covering the 2074 nautical miles from Hawaii in a record of 4 hours and 13 minutes!
Said Kamaka, "Hey Dude, that was one bitchin' ride...anybody got a joint, I need to CHILL!