Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 11 March 2011

image for "Red Riding Hood" With Amanda Seyfried and Shiloh Fernandez Rides Onto The Silver Screen
The village where "Red Riding Hood" was filmed. NOTE: Red Riding Hood's grandmother's house is on the right

HOLLYWOOD - After months of being in production the film classic Red Riding Hood is riding fast towards a movie theater near you.

The movie was directed by the extremely talented and busy Catherine Hardwicke, who also directed the Twilight series, the Daybreak series, the Sunrise series, and the Dusk series.

Red Riding Hood is based on the classic story Little Red Riding Hood. Ms. Hardwicke said that they had dropped the word "Little" at the request of The Little People, Dwarfs, and Midgets Federation of North America.

Hardwicke said that she also received emails, text messages, and a singing telegram from other short celebrities asking her to drop the "Little" reference.

When she was asked by Summersetter Faxx of Bedroom Pillow Talk to reveal the names of the short celebrities who asked her drop the "L" word she replied, Tom Cruise, Dustin Hoffman, Danny DeVito, and David Cassidy.

Red Riding Hood is set in a village which has been haunted by a werewolf for many decades. The citizens appease the wolf by offering animals as a sacrifice.

But after many of the towns citizens begin to complain about this 'pet' practice they change over to offering secondary sacrifice items such as packets of T-bone steaks, Sirloin steaks, Filet Mignon, Fajitas, Brisket, Rib-Eye steaks, and even six-packs of beer.

Amanda Seyfried portrays Valerie, aka Red Riding Hood. She really has the part down, even to the little way that RR Hood pronounced the word Tanganyika.

Shiloh Fernandez stars as Peter, an unemployed woodcutter, who loves to wander about the woods looking for lost coins, unique rocks, frankincense, and myrrh.

Julie Christie, who is 69, portrays Red Riding Hood's grandmother. And it is hard to believe that back in the 60s and 70s, Ms. Christie was a sex symbol along the lines of Marilyn Monroe, Sophia Loren, and Gina Lollobrigida.

BPT reported that Taylor Lautner turned down the part of Peter the unemployed woodcutter, because he is allergic to tree stumps, werewolves, and the color red, which he confessed makes him break out in hives.

The movie was filmed in 3D, Smell-O-Vision, and the newly developed state-of-the-art Symphonic Stratospheric Sound System.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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